How to not write a cliché first post

First of all, I am fully convinced that you should take my advice, as I have never, ever written a blog. I did not even own a blog when I was fourteen and all the other people around me was into pink, fashion and blogging. Mostly because I did not have any friends, but shush, let us not dwell on the past. I wanted to talk to you today on a much more important topic. I really wanted to make this post super ironic, but I do not have the skills yet. So hang in there, maybe you will see some top shelf writing sometime during the next 31,4 years. Please be content with some basement class humour and sucky puns. Ok let’s go.

  1. People are tired of seeing list posts. Yes, they are easy to read, but do they really bring anything to the table? Except which Winnie the Pooh quote is the most absurd and adorable one, that stuff is important.

Use stylised text to make your important points stick out more, just in case your potential tsunami of readers are too lazy to read all the good stuff. Because, let’s be honest, ALL YOUR STUFF IS THA BOMB.

Use proper grammar. Be consistent. Stick to either contractions or keep all the words for a higher word count (or because your English teacher yelled at you each time you used “don’t”). Also, peeps, if you want to be conveyed as an important person, use fancy pants language, avoid informalities. Oh! Don’t forget sentences of different length, that creates a certain flow that makes the text read naturally and creates natural pauses, and for heaven’s sake, know where you are going with each sentence, such as if you are going to go to the kitchen, you can use a sentence to walk over to the kitchen, especially if you are super hungry and really want a pizza.

Oh, and please have some form of organisation in your post. If you feel that you are lacking any sort of organisational skills, follow this list:

  • Dig deeper, they are in there somewhere
  • When found, use them.

NEVER YELL IN YOUR POSTS, NO ONE LIKES A YELLER. imagine if they are text deaf or something, I have lost track of the all the illnesses of the world, there is always a new one that can be found. (sorry, not sorry)

And lastly, stick to what you said you would do in your headline, so there are no open endings and unanswered questions?